I’ve started seeing regular police patrols between the town and the city, sometimes cars and sometimes helicopters, and not so many raiders, so I’m cool to stop keeping a lookout from my loft window at all times and even to start using SkIMp and playing some W4 games again. It takes my mind off things, and I need to do that, or I’ll lose it big-style. I catch myself zoning out of reality – not exactly believing that everything’s normal, but that if I were to go up to the big house at that moment, my folks would still be there. It’s not a good way to think, and I have to distract myself. Playing games is one of the healthiest things I can do right now. It’s weird to say that and not have my Dad yell at me about taking responsibility, but I think I’m being pretty responsible right now. I’m taking care of myself and keeping things going.
I’ve been reading back through my blogs and my comments, and I guess Mei was right about a lot of things – that it would come here eventually, that none of us were safe, that we had to be prepared. I think I did pretty well at all that. I still feel sad about what happened with Mei – a sweet, light kind of sadness that sometimes breaks through the deep, heavy sadness of everything else. I guess in a way it was a good thing we put a bit of distance between us, because we’ve both got enough to deal with right now. But I still regret that I couldn’t persuade her to come here, because although I lost my family at least my situation’s relatively safe and stable. It hurts me to hear she’s got to go through another quarantine, and spend a month alone again with barely enough food to survive and water that might not be safe and her community falling apart, while I sit here with food in the stores for years to come and crops growing well and secure shelter, and even the time to put my feet up and play games. I mean, if things had to happen this way, and there didn’t seem to be any way of avoiding it, I think I’ve done as well as anybody could do. My one regret is that I couldn’t persuade Mei to share it with me.