Taking responsibility

I’ve started seeing regular police patrols between the town and the city, sometimes cars and sometimes helicopters, and not so many raiders, so I’m cool to stop keeping a lookout from my loft window at all times and even to start using SkIMp and playing some W4 games again.  It takes my mind off things, and I need to do that, or I’ll lose it big-style.  I catch myself zoning out of reality – not exactly believing that everything’s normal, but that if I were to go up to the big house at that moment, my folks would still be there.  It’s not a good way to think, and I have to distract myself.  Playing games is one of the healthiest things I can do right now.  It’s weird to say that and not have my Dad yell at me about taking responsibility, but I think I’m being pretty responsible right now.  I’m taking care of myself and keeping things going.

I’ve been reading back through my blogs and my comments, and I guess Mei was right about a lot of things – that it would come here eventually, that none of us were safe, that we had to be prepared.  I think I did pretty well at all that.  I still feel sad about what happened with Mei – a sweet, light kind of sadness that sometimes breaks through the deep, heavy sadness of everything else.  I guess in a way it was a good thing we put a bit of distance between us, because we’ve both got enough to deal with right now.  But I still regret that I couldn’t persuade her to come here, because although I lost my family at least my situation’s relatively safe and stable.  It hurts me to hear she’s got to go through another quarantine, and spend a month alone again with barely enough food to survive and water that might not be safe and her community falling apart, while I sit here with food in the stores for years to come and crops growing well and secure shelter, and even the time to put my feet up and play games. I mean, if things had to happen this way, and there didn’t seem to be any way of avoiding it, I think I’ve done as well as anybody could do.  My one regret is that I couldn’t persuade Mei to share it with me.


7 thoughts on “Taking responsibility

  1. At this time, you may be right that I would be better to be with you than where I am, but when it was possible it was not the right thing. We can never know what might have happened. Perhaps if I am with you, I go to the produce fair, and you as well, and we all are dead. We can know only where we are, and I must accept where I am to take control in my life, not wish that things were different.
    I think you have everything you need except for company, and that is why you think of me. You should share what you have, find somebody who needs shelter and make a quarantine for them so that they can join you when you know they are safe. Don’t be alone, Jack – this is the only help I can give to you now. I hope you will listen.

    • Yeah, it’s not that easy, though. I could quarantine them, but they could be taking anti-virals. And it’s like Elaine says, you don’t know who you can trust. It was you or nobody.

      • What happened to your neighbours and friends in the area? Has your local Socnet all gone silent? Up here, the survivors who’ve been isolated for several weeks are starting to move in together in small groups to make it easier to keep things running. I held off for the last couple weeks because of Clara but soon we’ll move in with a couple other families on a farm. Not a moment too soon, systems and people both starting to fall apart.

        • Most of the local community’s totally silent. We were spread over quite a distance, anyhow, so we’re talking a big radius of nobody talking. Could be they’re dead, could be they’re not wanting to advertise they’re alive in case they end up on the Raidar.
          There’s some activity on more anonymous nets, but people aren’t being more specific on their location than to say state and county. Unless I go knocking on doors, I’m not gonna know who’s nearby. And if everyone’s responding to knocks on their doors like I am, that wouldn’t be a wise move.
          Here’s hoping the families you’re joining are easy to live with.

  2. I’m impressed that you have the time to sit around gaming. I thought you were single-handedly running a farm that used to have a staff of four at all times and more at harvest? I mean, I know I haven’t exactly been welcoming to trespassers, but my bolthole is low-maintenance. And you’ve taken on chickens, and weren’t you looking for cattle, too? I’m amazed you’re coping so well with it all on your own.

    • Well, it’s just logistics, really. There’s a meadow across the way, the cows take care of themselves. I think I got it covered. I like having nobody to answer to.

  3. Thanks Jack. I hear you, there’s advantages to living solo, but after weeks of it, I’m ready for change.
    Either way, a farm’s the best place to be. Your community really got blindsided. I’m glad you at least have lots of resources and know how to use them. Best wishes.

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